The First NIGHT!

So before I continue the story I do have to thank my Father in Heaven. Today in Relief Society the lesson was given on a talk by President Monson from the April General Conference. It was all about having Joy in our lives and what it trully means to have that Joy. A thought that kept coming into my mind was how gracious Heavenly Father is. Although we never really want to experience these horrible trials in our lives it does give us to opportunity to know and understand the feeling of JOY! As hard as all of this was with Deyton, he has brought more joy into my life than I could have ever expected, and I will always have my baby boy!

So after giving birth I was honeslty just so grateful to have him here. He looked just like his daddy so of course I thought he was so handsome. Derek was so cute with him and the proudest Dad around. He even threw his shirt off to do skin to skin with him. All of the nurses were so impressed and all I could do was smile!

We had told our family that as soon as he was born they could see him and then we wanted an hour of time alone with him. So as our family all said their goodbyes Derek got in bed with me and we all did skin-to-skin. It was such a beautiful moment and although the nurses were running around cleaning everything up. I really don't even remember that.

We got a knock at the door and it was Dr. Marsden. We had never met him before, but knew from everyone that he was the best. He came in and seemed just as excited as us almost like he had just had a new baby! He came right over to us and asked if he could see him, I handed him to Dr. M and he looked him over for a minute. He then preceeded to tell us that Deyton had a heart murmur and that it was pretty normal for new babies to be born with one. He told us to just watch around his mouth to make sure it didn't go blue and that they would check again in the morning. Other than that he was healthy as could be!

As soon as we had been there for about an hour we got ready to be transported up to our new room! Derek's Dad and Brenda were on their way to see us and as we were walking down the hall to the elevator we saw Brenda sitting in some chairs waiting for for. I remember waving hello and just so proud to show off our handsome little boy! As we got to our room we visited with Jerry and Brenda and then my boss Tammy came. She was so super excited the whole time I was pregnant just waiting for me to have Deyton so that she could hold him! After they left Adam and Cassidy Legg came and visited us. I remeber thinking about how we had come to see them when Kendall was born. It was so fun to be switching roles and showing off our baby. Of course everyone that came would always say without even thinking about it how much he looked like his daddy! I was just so proud to always hear that!

At about 10:30pm my mom and dad came over to see Deyton. My mom said that for some reason she just felt like she needed to come. She kept telling herself not to and that we wanted to be alone, but I am so glad they did. Everyone left and it was just Derek and I. It was kind of weird all of a sudden there wasn't just two there was three. By this time I was so tired and so we decided to try and sleep but of course I was a wreck from what Dr. M had said about his mouth turning blue so I just kept poking my head up to see if he was okay and breathing. Derek just kept telling me that I was okay and there was no reason to worry. I finally said to him that I thought we should send him into the nursery so that we could get some sleep. Derek didn't want to, but of course I just kept telling him that I thought it would be best if we both slept well. So I called the nurse and she came and got him.

We slept for a couple of hours and then right after I woke up the nurse was strolling Deyton in to eat. I remember asking her how he had done while he was in there and she said he was good and that his oxygen had dropped one time during those two hours but that he was okay.

This was my time to just hang out with my little guy. It is crazy because I always heard these stories of these women and how they would always talk about this love that they have instantly had for their kids. Don't get me wrong I loved Deyton from the moment I saw him, but it wasn't until that night when I was feeding him and we were just having our time together that I fell completely in love with this little boy. His baby soft skin, his curved nose just like his dad, his blue eyes, his perfectly shaped lips, his curved toes, and his big hands! He was absoultely perfect!!!! I will never forget those couple of hours where I just stared at him thinking of how each and every second my love for him just kept growing and growing. As soon as he had finished eating and had fallen asleep I called the nurse to take him back into the nursery so I could sleep for a couple of more hours.

(This is the moment where I get to talk about things I regret and my biggest regret of all was not keeping Deyton in my room and holding him all night. If only I had known I would have never let him down. It eats at me to know that I could have spent that much longer with him.) I do know that all in all it was probably really important that I did because Heavenly Father knew what kind of road was ahead of me and that I would need my rest.

Morning came and it had only been about two hours since Deyton had last left. I woke up and just sat there, my heart was so empty for my baby so I called the nurses station and asked them to bring Deyton back. As soon as he got back we just took turns holding him and then Derek called his mom and told her she could come over as soon as she wanted. So a couple of hours later his Mom, Kris, and Heidi all came over.

That morning was perfect it was everything you imagined before having a baby. We had just survived his first night and we had people who loved us there to show him off too! Little did we know what was about to happen would change our lives forever in the most terryifing way, but yet so beautiful.

Many people ask us if we knew about his condition before he was born? When I was pregnant and had been to my ultrasounds they never got a good look at the left side of his heart and recommended that we see a specialist, but Derek and I felt like everything would be okay. So we never did, but if we would have all that I described above would have never happened. I would have had to delivered at Primary Children's and they would have rushed him away from us. I would never trade that first night for anything. I am glad we didn't know because we had a first night of no worries. It was everything you expect it to be and more.

I want. . .

I want to hold you in my arms. . .

I want to kiss your baby soft head. . .

I want to change your diaper. . .

I want to watch your oxygen level. . .

I want to sleep with you. . .

I want to watch your daddy hold you while you both sleep. . .

I want to drive with you. . .

I want everyone to meet you. . .

I want to take you to church and show you off. . .

I want everyone to know you. . .

I want to give you a bath. . .

I want to put lotion on you and smell you. . .

I want to put you in your crib at night. . .

I want our office to be replaced again by your stuff. . .

I don't want to think about the reality of you gone. . .

I don't want to look at pictures instead of you. . .

I don't want to be strong anymore. . .

I don't want to hold your blanket at night. . . I want it to be you. . .

I want to know what you would look like at two and a half months. . .

I want to hear your cry again. . .

I want to know what your personality would be like. . .

I want to be with you even if for one more day. . .

Pictures from the Birth!

The Story Begins. . .

Since we are going to little by little write about Deyton's story!I feel as if writing this is going to be like me standing in front of a crowd naked because I am not sure what people will think, but all I do know is that I want to share his story with the world I want people to know how special this little boy was and how much he helped his mom and dad.

It only seems right to start at the beginning and tell about his birth!

On a side not before I begin I do have to say this little boy was so active in my belly all the time he was moving. Toward the end I would play this little game with him where I would poke him once and he would kick back once, then I would poke him twice and he would poke back twice and so on. It was then that I instantly fell in love with him and cound't wait for him to get out and see him.

It is crazy though I did have times before he was born that I would go into his room and look at all of his clothes, shoes, toys, and bedding. I always seemed to get this feeling that I would never see him in it, but of course I pushed it aside and thought he is fine.

I thought for sure I would have him early too. I started dialating like a month before my due date and was already 60% effaced and it kept increasing. Well, nothing ever happend and my doctor went out of town. So on my forty week appointment I saw another doctor in the office. I was scared to be seeing someone different, but as soon as we met with him he was great and made both Derek and I feel really comfortable.

I had been contracting a little but not much and when he checked me I was 85% effaced and dialated to a 3 plus. He checked me, stripped my membranes, and then made an appointment for me to get induced the following week. Derek and I were sad to hear that today was not the day, but just agreed with the doctor. As soon as he left I was putting my clothes back on and a knock came to the door. It was the doctor asking if he could check my fluid levels because they seemed kind of low. Sure enough my fluid levels were lower than what he wanted so he said it is time we are going to induce you. He called labor and delivery and let them know I was coming in.

Derek and I took off and headed home to pack our bags! We were so excited. Derek had put Deyton's carseat in the car about three weeks earlier because he couldn't wait! A song that kept playing as we were driving was that newer song that says "I got a feeling, tonights going to be a good good night". We felt like that was the perfect song for what was about to come!

It was then that it sunk in with me that today was the day that I was going to have our beautiful baby boy in my arms, but that I was going to do it natural. Of course I was scared I immediately called my sister Lisa and she calmed me down letting me know what I would be feeling and that I could do it. (I was given the opportunity to watch her go natural and she is amazing)

We arrived at the hospital and got into our room. They statred the pitocin at 12:15 pm and at that point I was dialated to a four and 90% effaced. My nurse was amazing and new I was going for natural she was so great to do whatever it was that I needed. A little while later when the contractions were coming on a little bit more consistent she suggested I get in the shower and Derek spray hot water on my lower back. After about a minute of him spraying me and it going all over the bathroom floor (that is a whole different story lets just say we started leaking into the room below us) I all of a sudden got extremely hot and felt as if I was going to throw up I sat on the bench and Derek began to spray ice cold water on me and it felt amazing!

After I got dried up I went back to the bed and just sat there. They tell you when you are going natural to walk walk walk. For some reason that was uncomfortable and I just enjoyed sitting on the bed and working through each contraction. About 4:30 pm the doctor came in and broke my water at this point I was 100% effaced and dialated to almost an eight. At that point I new I was to transition and that he was almost here and that I COULD DO IT!!! Around 5:00 pm the doctor came in and I was reaady to push.

Derek was on my right holding my leg, a nurse on my left holding my leg, my sister Rachelle was by my head. Derek's mom was taking pictures and standing close by, my mom was pretty much ready to catch the baby and Kris was up on a chair over Derek recording the whole thing. I gave a few pushes and his head was showing. Derek was so cute he kept letting go of my leg because he was so distracted by the baby. I kept bugging him to hold on to my leg "just like the nurse", but inside I loved that he kept dropping it because I could tell how excited he was.

The doctor tried to help me so that the head could fit through, but those of you who have seen my husbands head knows that doing that task is not easy and sure enough he had to give me an episitomy. It was only a few more pushes and he was here 5:32 pm Deyton Kash Sorensen arrived! They put him n my chest and I was in love. He was so perfect and so special!

I honestly can't believe I did it natural. People ask me all the time if it hurt and what was the worst part, but honestly I feel like it really wasn't that bad I remember my first words after the whole thing I looked at Derek and said, "that wasn't too bad, I would do it again"

When it really comes down to it I feel as though Deyton and Heavenly Father helped me through it knowing what lied ahead. I know that without my strong little boy and my supportive husband who sat by my side and helped me whenever I needed it and held my hand. I couldn't have done it. It was this expereince that was a building stone for the importance it would be for us to work together and that is exactly what we did!

Eat at Chili's to help St. Jude's

I wanted to pop in and say to go Eat at Chili's Bar and Grill today. 100% of profits NATIONWIDE go to St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital!!! So go eat for LUNCH and DINNER! You get some good food AND you help to further the research for children's cancer!

Click HERE for more info!

TWO MONTHS

If you want to hear the latest come on over to dksorensen.blogspot.com!

One Month

Derek and I reached the one mark. It was weird because the few days before one month of Deyton passing was really rough for me. I didn't know why, but I was tearing up on random occassions and then it hit me. Derek and I bought flowers for his grave and were together it the exact time that he passed. I was glad about that because I wouldn't have wanted to be alone.

I guess the hardest thing of all of this is that it all went so fast and seems as though it didn't really happen and I am just waiting for my baby to come back. But I know he is always with me and I can't wait until I get to see him again. . . Well actually I should wait I have a lot to work on to become better so that I can be with him!

We just moved into a new place. Well, new to us but built in like the stone age! But as soon as we get all settled in we are going to tell our story from the eyes of Derek and I! We have had people ask us if we would and I have wanted to type it up so we could print it off and there is no better place then on here.

Thank you again for everything and for all of the continued support, the road ahead is long, but honestly it has never felt so peaceful!