Thursday, October 15, 2009

I want. . .


I want to hold you in my arms. . .


I want to kiss your baby soft head. . .


I want to change your diaper. . .


I want to watch your oxygen level. . .


I want to sleep with you. . .


I want to watch your daddy hold you while you both sleep. . .


I want to drive with you. . .


I want everyone to meet you. . .


I want to take you to church and show you off. . .


I want everyone to know you. . .


I want to give you a bath. . .


I want to put lotion on you and smell you. . .


I want to put you in your crib at night. . .


I want our office to be replaced again by your stuff. . .


I don't want to think about the reality of you gone. . .


I don't want to look at pictures instead of you. . .


I don't want to be strong anymore. . .


I don't want to hold your blanket at night. . . I want it to be you. . .


I want to know what you would look like at two and a half months. . .


I want to hear your cry again. . .


I want to know what your personality would be like. . .
I want to be with you even if for one more day. . .


20 comments:

Melissa said...

It is hard to not have the things that you want. The things you miss and wonder about. It is so hard. I am sorry you have so much pain right now!

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

Kiss I am bawling right now. I want all of those things for you also! I love u!

Michele said...

Oh man Krystal I'm so sorry! I'm crying, that is so sad. I love you!!

Jimmy & Chelo said...

I honestly cannot imagine what your going through! I'm sorry! I seriously think your so strong to be open with your birth story, deyton, and life now! Hang in there girl! : )

LaNe aNd aMaNda said...

OMG that was a tear jerker....you are so amazing I can't even imagine Krystal. Its hard to understand the lords plans sometimes....stay strong! We're always thinking of you guys!

Stevenson Stories said...

Wow... I am crying while at work.. you are amazing. :)

Harris Family said...

You are such an amazing couple. I pray for you often and think about you all the time. It is crazy how we don't realize how wonderful the most simplest things are until they are no longer available to us. Hang in there.

The Dennis Wright Family said...

I don't know what made me turn to your site. Now I am crying my self sick! It hurts me so much that my baby girl is hurting so much! My heart aches for you and Derek! I know that you want all of these things! I want them for you both! I love you so much! God loves you and knows your desires! Deyton is yours for Eternity! You two are my HEROS!!!

The Luikarts said...

Wow, I can't even imagine. I don't even want to imagine. You and Derek are strong people.

RHETT AND NICHOLE said...

that was extremely hard to read, i seriously feel for you, i can not imagine what it is like. you are so strong and make me want to be stronger. you are amazing!

Dennison Family said...

You don't know me, but my name is Liz and I lost my baby to HLHS after 19 days. I know exactly how you feel. What I wouldn't give for just 1 more hour, just to hold him one more time. Know that you are loved and I know how you feel. Let me know if you ever want to talk.

Dennison Family said...

You don't know me, but my name is Liz and I lost my baby to HLHS after 19 days. I know exactly how you feel. What I wouldn't give for just 1 more hour, just to hold him one more time. Know that you are loved and I know how you feel. Let me know if you ever want to talk.

Evans said...

Gosh it's so amazing the everyday things I do that I take for granted! After reading that and crying it make me realize how important the littlest things are! You are so amazing I don't know how you do it! You will have a little one soon and be able to do all the things you dream of, you deserve it! Hang in there girl!

Ricki said...

I want....the be able to give you just a glimpse of what life will be like for you 12 years down the road! I KNOW that this is extremely hard! I wish I could take this pain from you two! You will get through this and you will be stronger people for your trial! I know that sometimes it is impossible to be strong! So those are the days that you need to get your feelings and anger out of you! It is okay to cry and be sad! Take your feelings to the Lord and he will comfort you! Call me if I can help! You know I will always be here for both of you

Thank you for this post! We all take for granted the most simple but precious moments!

Ricki said...

Okay! I tried to e-mail you back and it is not letting me! So just call me! my number is 862-8902. Thanks!

Cassidy Legg said...

Krys... I love you both and love Deyton too. I am so sorry..

Brandon and Tiffanie said...

We are always thinking of you guys. I think of you and know I can make it through my little trials. I am glad you are putting your feelings down. If you ever need to talk I am really good at just listening. You make me want to be a stronger person.

Jess said...

I'm so sad for you. I'm sorry. I'm crying with you. Call me if you need anything. I know I say that, but I really do mean it.

djzmcallister said...

I want those things for you too, someday you will have it all, thank goodness we know what we do, you will be with him someday again.

Alyssa said...

*crying* Thank you for sharing.